Well I achieved my objective on Sunday, I made it into work on Monday.

There were three races throughout the day for what they called the "Sound of Thunder" a name that was subsequently subject to further investigation as it also seemed to include motorcycles that bore an uncomfortable resemblance to Wayne's 1200cc 1986 GSXR. It appears that there has been a little rule change, in that you can enter 4 cylinder bikes as well, as long as they are of a certain vintage, which ain't old enough in my view.

Anyway the TL performed superbly, especially for a standard bike and if I was a little braver and knew Mallory better I could have taken advantage of my talent for strong starts and not gone from 4th to 14th by the exit of Gerrards; I could hint at a requirement for tyre warmers but that would be churlish.

Having only a fixed-lens wide-angle digital camera made pics of KRJ racing a bit tricky to get ...

If you go by the starts, the engine would seem to be powerful enough but the midrange is where it counts once you're underway and heading for the first furlong and this was untested, as I was unable to get close enough to any comparable machinery. Handling was pretty good, despite that fact that my major deal on the damper and front springs turned out to be less than expected, with my "race shock" turning into a road one, identified by the number of damping adjustments, and the front springs needing to be stronger and linear and not stronger and progressive, according to the man at White Power. The little bottle at the front that held the radiator overflow performed admirably, as did the paintwork when the bike was flung roughly to the ground during an abortive attempt to get it onto the paddock stand. Thanks Toot, next time you hold the bike and I'll do the stand.

This blurred blob is actually Reynard bouncing around Devil's Elbow on his elbow.

For those of you that don't know Mallory it comprises one big bend, Gerrards, followed by the Lake Esses, where Scott had his huge get-off that resulted in the limp he now carries, Shaw's Corner, probably the tightest hairpin in the world and the nasty Devil's Elbow - it's nastiness was dramatically demonstrated by Reynard (Reynard?) Norris high-siding (I suspect on cold slicks) and being carted off to hospital ... in an ambulance not a cart, despite it being Leicestershire.

Results? Er, you remember Niall McKenzie's first outing on the Virgin Yamaha? Well there you go. I was about middle of the field'ish.

The hairpin - Shaw's Corner

May I thank all my sponsors, in the tradition of the corporate man that I am:

Dunlopad - For helping me stop, maybe if they were less effective I could have won.

Ian Fenn discusses levitation with a disbelieving Scott

Hag at Extreme Performance - for fairing and bits and bobs and stuff.

Winning Performance Suspension - I want a word with you....

Ian of Concept Classics - Thank you for a superb paintjob. It was quite embarrassing really, small animals kept coming up to it for a nuzzle.

Ian Fenn for being very large and pink.

Keith and Scott - For trekking all the way up to offer support, it was really appreciated, didn't make me go any faster though.

Next race is Cadwell park on 21st and 22nd April. By then I will have better gearing, I ran standard gears at Mallory, plus I know Cadwell quite well so I am quietly confident of a reasonable result.

If anyone is planning to come up I live in the big bus with the two Union Jacks either end.

Well that's another one over with, another two actually if you looking at days of racing. Two days spent in Fenny's Magic Bus racing bikes, drinking excessively and abusing small children. Maybe I ought to qualify that statement, the children belong to Toot. Toot looks after Fenny's Magic Bus and his bike, with the help of Jamie, smallish (nearly 13), and Jade, very small (nearly 9). The great thing is, if you pay them money they'll clean your bike, wash up, dry up and carry out all other sorts of important things that keep the wheels of racing turning. If we had a chimney they'd be up there as well, but we haven't so they're saved.

The journey to Cadwell was as entertaining as the racing because Fenny has traded in the Roller and bought a brand new shiny Yellow Corvette, which apart from being an impressive 5.7 ltr V8 also comes with a digital throttle. How do I know this? Because while trying to read my "Hello" magazine whilst being chauffeured to my destination the magazine was either pressed against my nose or the windscreen depending on which peddle Fenny was pressing at the time. Still, we arrived under the cover of darkness, thank goodness.

Friday night was 'set-up night' as racing is impossible due to the bar being open. So after assembling the awning, extracting the bikes from my bedroom and forcing Jade to make what turned out to be a most excellent meal of fried giant prawns in garlic butter, followed by Lobster Thermidor and a rather fine Chablis, we retired to the bar. There was a sweet, however the Pavlova hadn't really risen as it should so we didn't bother.

The wind howled, the awning flapped, the rain hammered against the side of the bus … I sensed an excellent days racing was to come. But no, we awoke to sunshine, what a let down.

Now to be honest I can't recall a lot of Friday, lots of whizzing around the track, a pole position for race one, which didn't necessarily mean I had a blinding super-pole it just meant I got lucky when they pulled me number out the hat. Middle of field for race two, back of field for race three, unsurprisingly.

First race, unknowingly, was my first introduction to my new gearing as the ever helpful Toot having bought some new sprockets for me bike. What this resulted in was me being smacked in the face through the first 3 gears by a TL that refused to keep its front wheel on the ground. Unfortunately I didn't keep the race sheets for the Friday so I can't recall where I came, so lets quickly move on to Saturday, which was much more fun, if only for the changing weather.

Before we do that, lets overview Friday evening, beer, beer, more beer, Vodka. I actually hit the sack early, about 12.30 leaving Fenny The Party Animal and Toot to enjoy a few cocktails knocked up by Jade and Jamie. I must admit she makes a mean Margarita, well for an 8 year old anyway.

Toot (13) leads Ian (33) - pink in the pack

Saturday morning; after we kicked the kids out of bed to go and clean and prepare the bikes, it was time for racing. Now do you remember how Robert DeNiro looked in Raging Bull, after the fight, not before? Well that was Fenny that was, and just to help matters it was absolutely pissing down. Undeterred Toot and my good self prepared for the first race, Fenny wisely staying in bed to enjoy his hangover. Being an experienced racer Toot immediately prepared a perspex based breath deflector which made him look like some alien with a transparent nose - to be honest I thought it gave him character.

So, after donning our waterproofs myself and the Alien prepared for the off. Well I did. As I left the bus, whose Magic was obviously tarnished from the previous night, Toot was still swearing at his bikes failure to start, I am sure I heard the word C***T which usually means it's pretty serious.

If you've ever been impressed by tyres, you ain't never been impressed until you've ridden on wets in the pouring rain. The level of grip is surprising to say the least and the reward for such grip? 4th place and a wet bum.

The leadup to race two was fraught with indecision as the circuit was drying rapidly. However clouds loomed on the horizon. Anyway I tossed a coin and whizzed up to Mr Tyre Fitter to swap the wets for intermediates (207's to the layman). The reason for this was that I didn't have any spare wheels - these I now have and will probably never have need for again. At this point much thanks is in order to Scott for hassling the poor tyre fitter and running the rear down to me to fit in a blind panic. Still made the race and came in 7th right behind the now recovered Mr Fenn.

During the 2nd race, as legacy of the failure to start, Toot had been having problems with the engine misfiring which, rather scarily, had made him run wide on a couple of corners and nearly had him enjoying a shunt up the arse from the chap behind him. As a result of this, he decided to sit out the last race and leave Fenny and myself to play.

It was a blinder. Started from row E and after getting a good start managed to go into the first bend around 5th place right behind Fenny. The right hander at the end of the back straight saw me pushed onto the rumble strip by some mad braking from Matt Pollard's 911cc FZ (1000cc 4's are now banned from our Championship, by the way, after a protest - and quite rightly so). After my slight detour it was head down and after Mr Fenn. Slowly I reeled him in, until by the last lap I was right behind him approaching the mountain. As we took the left hander before the mountain we caught a backmarker … Fenny chose the right, I took it wide and chose the left and both of us flew past on either side of what I suspect was a rather surprised rider (captured on film by Mr Beard). Entering first into Hall Bends made it pretty difficult for Fenny to come back at me so I held on to take 4th only a wheel's length behind the 3rd placed rider. Well I was chuffed anyway.

So that was that. I left Cadwell happy after turning a middle of the field finish at Mallory into a two 4ths and a 7th a good days fun was had by all. Oh yes I forgot, I am advised by Jamie that the Triumph rider I undertook at the Hairpin went on to crash into the tyres in surprise, for this I apologise, but you were a bit wide.

Next race is Croft on the 30th which I have done many laps of on me TOCA 2 Playstation game, so that should be interesting.

Special mention is in order for a Mr Brian Raynor who I missed last week during my corporate sponsorship spot. Mr Raynor makes excellent rear-sets and I mean excellent, half the price of Harris and they fit straight on with all the correct bolts and everything, Brian can be contacted on 01476 405836 Mobile 0402 587157.

Visit http://umis.virtualave.net/circuits/UK/croft.htm for more info on circuit.

Hurrah I've got a Trophy. It's round, made of plated plastic and well worth the £5,500.00 I've invested in racing so far.

The race was, as with Cadwell, a two day event Saturday and Sunday and unlike Cadwell, was near Darlington which is practically Scotland.

Playstations never lie, well almost never. For those of you who don't know what I am going on about, I spent the last week going round and round Croft competing in the Touring Car Championships in a Mondeo, in a vain attempt to learn the circuit. Despite the controls at first feeling unfamiliar, It appears this was time not wasted as after 4 laps of wet practice on Saturday I managed a 4th place in front of me team mates in a subsequent dry race. Now if you listen to the likes of Kenny Roberts and Wayne Rainey this is always a good thing to do.

As a circuit Croft has to be well up there with the best of them, very fast in places with a left, right, right sequence through Jim Clarke curve that tenses the sphincter to the size of something very small indeed. This then leads on to some very pleasant sweeping slower corners and the tightest hairpin in the world that involved, at least on one occasion some deft application of the knee slider as I lost the front and nearly ended up on me ear.

Highlights of the weekend were:-

* Toot's Lancashire hotpot.
* Toot's bike not starting, again. We think this is definitely down to too much fiddling and the injection system not keeping abreast of what's been fiddled with. So we're going back to standard and starting again.
* The realisation that despite having a brand new control tower they had omitted to add a bar.
* Me entering the "Laird of Croft" open race to dicover they were all barking mad and out to kill themselves for a piece of plastic. After a red flag on the second lap I resisted the temptation to retire gracefully finished the race and vowed to stick to my own class in future, good though the TL is it ain't up there with race tuned R1's and GSXR's.
* Me getting a flying start on Sunday and going into the first bend thinking "Fuck, I'm first - now what do I do?"

The race unfortunately was really for who could get 3rd as all the races were dominated by a couple of local lads Steve McCrystal and Darren Turner, both on breathed on TLR's. Steve in particular was very impressive and once in front stretched out an 8 second lead by the end of race 1. This lead did however come down by the last few races as we all grew more familiar with the circuit.

Race results as follows:-

Saturday	Race 1	KJ - 4th Fenny - 6th Toot - 7th
	Race 2	Toot - 4th KJ - 5th Fenny - 6th
	Race 3	Toot - 4th Fenny - 6th KJ - 7th
Sunday	Race 1	KJ - 3rd Toot - 4th Fenny - 6th
	Race 2	Toot - 3rd Fenny - 4th KJ - 6th
	Race 3	Fenny - 3rd Toot - 4th KJ - *
* Pottered around staring at the sky and generally lost the plot completely.Shows I'm definitely a morning person.

Corporate Time
Jamie - For pushing me bike to and from scrutineering, filling it with petrol and being an all round good egg.
Jade - For organising all the other children in the paddock, injuring at least one them and not needing a box to do the washing up.
Neil - For living in a tent and having a can of lager available at all times.
Mark - For being a 15 year old with attitude and funny flicky up hair at the front, very trendy so I am told.
Ginger Tom - For being a local lad on a 640 Rotax, riding like a man possessed, getting in everyone's way entering all races apart from the sidecars and beating me on a number of occasions through dogged persistence and scaring me half to death.

Next race - two weekends off now , returning at Cadwell on the 20th and 21st where I anticipate a strong performance.

And now, a smack on the wrist re. Cadwell .....

20th May 2000
Race 1	1 - Dean Skipper, Aprilia 1000 2 - Andy McPherson, SP1 3 - Ian Dixon, TLR 8 - Kevin Jones, dicking about and playing with himself on the straights
Race 2	1 - Steve McCrystal, Suzuki TL1000R, unfortunately crashed out of race one but returns in typically strong form for race 2. 2 - Sean Skipper, Aprilia 1000 3 - Steve Wilson, TLS (Toot to you) 10 - .. er, me again I am afraid, it was much faster this week, honest !
Race 3	1 - Steven McCrystal, Suzuki TL1000R, Mr consistent is just that. 2 - Paul Eastwood, Aprilia 1000, hasn't raced for a year, comes out and take 2nd. 3 - Andy McPherson, SP1, 8 - Kevin Jones, hurrah! Progress at last. I should point out that this race was only over 3 laps thus with liberal use of knees and elbows I was able to retain my position.

21st May 2000
Race 1	1 - Steve McCrystal, again 2 - Paul Eastwood, Aprilia, again 3 - Sean Skipper, Aprilia, almost again

Right, stick with me on this one. It was damp, OK? I had new Dunlop 207 Stars which were unknown to me. It wasn't a Championship race and there were 27 people on the grid so 20th wasn't that bad, was it? What actually happened was that I had already decided I was just going out, sort of like a track day, first lap Darren Turner and Andy McPherson go down at Charlie's, thus justifying my decision to take it easy and knocking at least 10 mph of my average speed. Next lap, a Superstock goes down at the hairpin thingy, so knock off another 10mph. By the end of the race I was waving at the crowd and signing autographs on the way round.
If the name Andy McPherson didn't mean anything to you, look under key words shiny, new and SP1.